Ten Pointers for Changing Your Money Relationship
“It’s simple to look back on the past and criticize ourselves for all the wrong decisions, incorrect presumptions, and unrealistic expectations that resulted in our current financial disappointments. We categorize them as “mistakes,” record them as failures in our life’s book, and then wonder why we experience stress, oppression, and a lack of courage to try again.”
– Sarah Ban Breathnach, Peace and Plenty; Finding Your Path to Financial Serenity
Personal finance is frequently right up there with sex when it comes to taboo conversation topics.
And that’s really a shame. Because of shame, discussing money is typically avoided. Unfortunately, this avoidance only serves to increase the frequency of the same errors. When presumptions and habits are retained, patterns with questionable finances emerge… unquestioned.
Transforming Your Relationship to Money was a one-day course I recently attended. Business coach Inga Michaelsen led the workshop. The experience opened my eyes and my heart in many ways. The level of emotion that many of the participants displayed surprised me a little. As stories were told, tears began to fall.
People frequently struggle to comprehend why they made certain financial decisions, let alone forgiving themselves for doing so, in addition to being ashamed of the decisions they’ve made (and the effects these decisions have had on their lives and those of their loved ones).
Of course, one must first be aware that a financial decision was made in order to comprehend why it was made. Interestingly, this isn’t as obvious as it might seem. It seems that a lot of our financial “decisions” are actually made somewhat subconsciously.
Inga began the day with a discussion in the group about three prevalent cultural myths that lie at the root of many of our beliefs. She based this on the advice of Lynne Twist, the author of The Soul of Money: How to Transform Your Relationship with Money.
- There isn’t enough to go around
- More is better
- That’s just the way it is
It appears that a true scarcity mindset exists when it comes to resources like money, time, or love.
Twist clarifies the peril of this: “When your attention is on what’s lacking and scarce – in your life, in your work, in your family, in your town – then that becomes what you’re about.”
In other words, what we focus on/pay attention to expands, so we would be wise to focus on all that we do have versus what we do not.
“What you value grows in value.”
– Lynne Twist
However, in my experience and observation, we frequently focus on what we don’t have or don’t have enough of… particularly when it comes to money.
But what is enough?
Right before lunch, Inga had us complete a straightforward but powerful exercise on gratitude in order to help us get to the heart of this somewhat loaded question. We each shared everything we have to be thankful for in our lives, either now or in the past, in our small groups.
I laughed aloud at my abundance of blessings as I listened to myself list all the things I’m thankful for to the other members of my group. I have enough already… of everything. I have everything I need.
The idea that how we spend, save, and/or invest our money is related to our financial narrative was another intriguing idea brought up during the course of the day. It seems that we all have one.
Inga assigned us homework over lunch in order to help us uncover the core of our potential financial myth. In order to see if any patterns emerged, we had to reflect on our lives in 5-year intervals and recall a financial incident or event from each period.
Oh yeah.
We talked about our spending patterns and how money moves through our lives in the afternoon. Spending money intentionally means doing so instead of buying things that other people want you to. Do we invest our money in causes that are truly important to us, in other words? Or on issues we feel we should be invested in, such as what advertisers tell us we should care about?
Inga advised us to try and think of our purchases in terms of whether or not they are consistent with our life values because she believed that one way we can express our life’s purpose in this lifetime is through the money we spend.
ARE our financial decisions—including how much we spend, save, and invest—a reflection of our values? It became clear from our group discussion that we frequently struggle with competing interests and that how we spend our money might have a negative effect on other people, which makes this question interesting.
One student, for instance, brought up the issue of fast fashion and how the dyes used in the clothing industry pollute rivers and millions of tonnes of clothing end up in landfills after barely being worn. She also brought up the harsh realities of child labor and the appalling working conditions faced by numerous people employed in garment factories in developing nations.
Then I mentioned my own personal worry regarding my love of traveling and how I find it difficult to balance my enthusiasm for discovering new places with the knowledge that travel has significant negative effects on the environment, such as greenhouse gas emissions.
Overall, the course was a huge success. it certainly got me thinking differently about money, which is a step in the right direction towards transforming my relationship to it.
Ten Advice to Change the Way You Feel About Money:
- What is your relationship with money like? Love, hate, or indifference?
- Focus on all that you already have – people, pets, purpose, possessions, health, etc
- What you appreciate appreciates
- Avoid focusing on what you don’t have, such as. what you lack
- What you focus on expands
- Pay attention to how money flows through your life
- Think of all the good you currently do – and have done – in the world with your money
- Forgive yourself for past financial decisions
- Pay attention to your financial habits: do your purchases reflect your values
- Are you aware of your “story” regarding money? Does it help you or hinder you?
